The Ted Mosby Song

Ted Mosby is so much about me personified.

And this song is so much about Ted Mosby in music form.

So basically, if someone were to write a song about me, this would be the song they wrote.

(Probably NSFW. Unless your workplace is pretty lax about the f-word.)

Except, I’m not 29. Or 31. And these two personalities can be me hours apart. (I hope that isn’t a sign of mental issues)

Kate ‘Oates’ Micucci and Riki ‘Garfunkel’ Lindhome play the same woman two years apart – 29 and 31. It sounds a lot cheesier than it is, especially when you know that Garfunkel and Oates are musical comedians. 

But this song, as funny as it is, also hits home with a LOT of people that I know. We have days when we have the optimism of a 29-year-old:

Things unfold when they’re supposed to cause everything happens for a reason. It will happen for me when I’m not looking. He’ll just appear and I’ll just know and he’ll love me forever without any work. Who needs to try when things are meant to be.

and others with the cynicism of a 31-year-old:

There’s nobody left; I’m all alone. You’re such a f–king idiot. You think you’re so special because people tell you that now but that will stop and be replaced with looks of pity.

This song so taps into all of the feelings I’m having now – it’s more a commentary on being a woman in song form that being a ‘joke’.

But then there’s this gem of a line…For all of us that hate the oh-so ‘wise’ words we hear to make us feel better:

When God closes a door he opens a window…

The 31-year-old has the best comeback, one I wish I would have though of first:

You realize that’s a smaller opening. You used to be able to walk out the front door, now you have to climb through some slightly ajar window somewhere possibly falling like 5 stories to your death. That is not an upgrade.

Buyer’s Remorse

I have the worst buyers remorse. Seriously, ask me to make any big decision, and I will debate it for ages. And after I’ve committed to it – I spend so much energy fretting to and fro. I’ve never been one big on going with my gut. Or I guess, trusting my gut.

I reason, make pro/con lists, reason some more. Come up with a whole lot more pros and cons.

Make a decision. Commit to the decision. Try and figure out how to get out of the commitment. And then, at some point, I accept the decision.

Realize that my gut was right.

Honestly, so much energy could be saved if I just went through with my gut.

This last week, I spent so much energy debating what is essentially a promotion. WHO DOES THAT?

(Answer – me)

It is really hard to say goodbye to a job that I owned – since I started, it was a part-time, 24 hour position that had very few responsibilities. It’s now a full-time position with programs I just enacted/got the hang of – monthly volunteer newsletters, advisory committees, organization, and a ton of other little details. It’s going to be hard to see someone else in that role, changing the things that worked so hard on. Maybe doing better at them. Maybe not.

I’m also terrified, as usual, about starting something new. About messing up – both at the job, and my professional career. I seem to be getting further away from the things I once said I wanted to do. And I don’t know how I feel about that. On one hand, I love my job. On the other… Hopefully I can find things to do that will keep me connected to my roots – social media and writing. Those were the things I enjoyed cultivating. And I still have ideas I want to share and develop.

But my gut told me that I would be dumb for passing this up. So did my reasoning. So I’m going ahead. And hopefully, I can start trusting my gut more and more.

On the other hand, my gut told me that flying for the first time and flying alone for the first time were two things that should happen together (two birds, one stone) for someone who has a fear of flying. I feel like I should have used my reasoning skills for that…

Inspired by the prompt: How are you more likely to make an important decision — by reasoning through it, or by going with your gut?

All I could do was love you hard and let you go.

I’m going to be a hipster for a minute, if you’d be so kind to indulge me.

I don’t know when I first found The Last 5 Years…2006? It was some time after it had first production.

But I certainly found it before the news about the movie with Anna Kendrick and Jeremy Jordan came out. Although – hella excited about this. As much as I love my Norbert Leo Butz Jamie – he’s a little…old. Dream casting would be Aaron Tveit. I’ll take it though. I’m not complaining… and I’m getting back to the point.

The point being I loved The Last 5 Years before you did. *sticks tongue out*

It’s a beautiful one-act musical told in a truly unique way. It consists of ONLY two characters – Jamie and Cathy. Jamie starts the story at the beginning. Cathy starts it at the end. They meet in the middle. You can see how the relationship builds and breaks and it breaks your heart as it does. The characters alternate songs – so one minute you’re exuberantly happy with Jamie, then viewing the pain of a broken relationship with Cathy…and it goes on.

There isn’t a song that I don’t love. “Still Hurting” has gotten me through a break-up.

Jamie is over and where can I turn?/Covered with scars I did nothing to earn/Maybe there’s somewhere a lesson to learn/But that wouldn’t change the fact/That wouldn’t speed the time/Once the foundation’s cracked/And I’m/Still Hurting

My favorite from the one bootleg I’ve seen is “Nobody Needs to Know” – it’s when I fell in love with Norbert Leo Butz as an actor – and it’s when I hated Jamie.

Look at us, lying here/Dreaming, pretending/I made a promise and I took a vow/I wrote a story/And we changed the ending/Cathy, just look at me now!

“The Next Ten Minutes” is the mid-point of the story. Jamie and Cathy get closer in their story telling, meeting for a few brief moments in the middle, and then pass each other by.

Till the world explodes/Till there’s no one left/Who has ever known us apart

It’s a beautiful moment…and yet it still foreshadows what we have yet to see from Jamie. And caps off the heartbreak of Cathy’s story.

I love this musical and am so glad it’s getting a chance to be recognized in the ‘mainstream’. Just remember…I found it first.

I’m tired.

I barely remember a world “before”. In some cases, I don’t remember it at all.

A world where we weren’t looking over our shoulders wondering…what’s next?

Events like Oklahoma City, Columbine, September 11 haven’t happened TO me. But they definitely have AFFECTED me - I’ve been having panic attacks on and off since I was in FIFTH grade. Panic attacks about the “what if?”. And as a kid (and adult) with an overactive imagination – the “what if” is never good and can get pretty dramatic.

I know every generation has had their bad things. It’s not a new development. And there are others that live in places where their “what ifs” are much more likely to happen.

At the end of the day, I’m just tired of not remembering the befores. Of the wondering “what’s next”. Of seeing what’s next.

Maybe that’s why Patton Oswalt’s viral Facebook status struck such a chord with me Monday. It was a perfect representation of what I was feeling at the time. I’m tired of these events shaping our worldview. We are inherently good. Human kind is not horrendous en mass. I know this because I see it. I see it daily.

[...]there are prices and penalties incurred for the daily miracle of existence. One of them is, every once in awhile, the wiring of a tiny sliver of the species gets snarled and they’re pointed towards darkness.

But the vast majority stands against that darkness and, like white blood cells attacking a virus, they dilute and weaken and eventually wash away the evil doers and, more importantly, the damage they wreak. This is beyond religion or creed or nation. We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We’d have eaten ourselves alive long ago.

I’m tired of these events taking away the faith I have in humanity. And I do have faith in humanity – I see good in people day in and day out at my workplace. I see people literally take the shoes off of their feet, the bracelets off of their arms, donate designer dresses with the hangtags still intact, give a few hours of their valuable time…all to help someone in need. And not treat it as an obligation, or something they feel has to be done. They do it because they WANT to do it.

And on Monday, as bombs were exploding and panic spread around them – people ran INTO the chaos. Not just first responders, but everyday citizens. They ripped apart their clothing to act as tourniquets. They held each other as they mourned. They ran their 26.2 and then 2 more to the hospital to donate blood. They opened their homes to displaced runners. In yet another moment of unspeakable pain and tragedy, the human spirit was alive and present.

I’m tired of being tired and so I’m not going to be tired anymore. Instead of dwelling on wondering who could do the unspeakable horrible, I’m going to dwell on those that do the magnificent good.

So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, “The good outnumber you, and we always will.”

Round and round we go…

The first time I heard this song I thought how clever it was with all of the Mary/merry. Then I listened to the lyrics a little closer.

If you ain’t got two kids by 21,/You’re probably gonna die alone/At least that’s what tradition told you.

Oh hey. I know that feeling.

We get bored so we get married/And just like dust we settle in this town.

Well…damn. Has Kacey been to my hometown?

We think the first time’s good enough/So we hold on to high school love/Say we won’t end up like our parents.

Tiny little boxes in a row/Ain’t what you want it’s what you know/Just happy in the shoes you’re wearin’.

Maybe she’s read my thoughts about my hometown/my graduating class? Or is it possible that a country artist is saying “Hey small towns. You ain’t all you’re cracked up to be in this generation?”

I adore this song. It verbalizes so much about what I feel about where I grew up. Not necessarily the feelings I had while I was growing up; more the feelings I had when I returned three years ago after college. Also known as the longest and most miserable two years of my life.

If this song had been released two years ago, it would have been my jam. As it stands – it’s still my jam. Kacey Musgraves is my new favorite country artist. The anti-Taylor if you’d like. She portrays the harsher realities of the world – especially the small towns so much of country music identifies with.

Jack and Jill went up the hill/Jack burned out on booze and pills/And Mary had a little lamb/Mary just don’t give a damn no more.