Who I Am

Hello world. I know, I’ve been gone a really long time. But I’m back. I don’t even care if my mom is the only one who is reading this. (She probably doesn’t even remember that this exists. I had to try three times before I could come up with the right password…)

I’m back and going to try this again. To sum up my story so far: I’ve spent the last two years in a shitty situation. Job troubles, financial troubles, ME troubles. To be honest, there were days I was depressed as hell. I just didn’t admit it. It didn’t really hit me until 10 minutes ago, when I was staring in the mirror.

I graduated, lost any ‘friends’ I had, moved back home, was unemployed for a long time, lived with my parents and my little sister and constantly bickered with her, found a job, found another job. I hated the people at one job, but loved what I was doing and loved the people at the other job, but the work was pretty menial/not challenging/not something to do for the rest of my life. So when my parents decided to move to Columbus, I hopped aboard the moving truck and decided to start over. I’ve spent the last month in a place where NO one knows me (and I’m an absurdly shy person for the first 5 minutes. Actually not really shy, just incredibly self-conscious of not making a fool of myself and that makes me appear shy, so if there are tips to meeting new people- LET ME KNOW!)

After an eight month reprieve, I’m back on the job-hunting train. And if you’re not already depressed, that shit will wear on you quickly. The constant cycle of getting your hopes up, and then crushed gets old quickly. But I’m determined to not let it get to me this round- because I know that I’m a good person who is going to work hard and be everything that is wanted- I just need someone to give me a shot. I had two great people do that for me 9 months ago, and it worked out then.

Now, after months and months of radio (blog?) silence, you may be wondering what sparked this sudden resurgance.

For the first time in a long time, I LIKE who I am. Like genuinely like everything about me and I want people to know who I am, warts and all. This move is a second chance…like college. Only it took me a little longer to be comfortable with who I am. Heck, to KNOW who I am. Its been building up the past few weeks, and tonight, I looked in the mirror while I went through my nightly moisturizing ritual and it all hit me. Its silly, but it’s the tan lines. I’ve spent this summer of re-unemployment doing new things…like working out. And it hit me that my tan lines aren’t just from my swimsuit top. They line up perfectly with my racerback tops. I have no idea if I actually look better…because I FEEL better and that tends to skew my perception.

So as it turns out, after years and years and years of hating working out…I kind of see the appeal. I’m not going to be running a marathon…ever, but I enjoy the heck out of my morning walk/jogs. And I love a workout with a plank involved. I’m not working out to be a size 2. I’m working out to be confortable in my skin. And I think I’m getting there.

And it escelates from there. So who am I?

I’m a nerd. A proud one. My definition of a nerd is someone who is passionate about…something. Anything. I’m a Harry Potter nerd and a Doctor Who nerd and a Marvel Movie Universe nerd and a social media nerd and a knitting nerd and an entertainment nerd and a NASCAR nerd.

I’m a romantic and I love pink. But I also love blue and somedays I get really sick of people thinking I have pink everything. I love to read and write but I don’t write fiction particularly well. Give me some facts to report and I can construct a well-written article though. I even got paid for it for a while.

Give me something to do, and I’m going to do it well. Doesn’t even matter if I like to do it or not. I’m not quite a perfectionist, but mistakes bother me.

I get attached to fictional characters to the point where I cry because of something that happend to them happy or sad. And sometimes name things after them. I have an iPad named Darcy because at first I thought the iPads were stupid and then I loved them. My car is named after Captain Jack Harkness because people keep trying to kill it, but he always comes back. I may call my GPS Jarvis. And my computer is named Philip J. Coulson because I can. My phone does not have a name, surprisingly.

I love my family and can be fiercely protective of them. I once yelled at a girl I babysat because she called my baby sister fat. Not really my proudest moment…

I love New York City and want to move there. But I’ve watched way to much Law and Order SVU to actually ever make that happen.

I’m unintentionally funny. Sometimes you give me an opening and I can go with it. I’m also unintentionally klutzy. Yesterday I flipped over in my raft at the waterpark.

I bake. I also cook, but baking is therapeutic. Doesn’t really work with the whole ‘getting fit’ thing though.

I tend to obsess over topics. It started with zoo animals (koalas, killer whales, pandas and manatees), and then moved to history topics (the Holocaust, the 1904 World’s Fair, pioneer times, Abigail Adams, Easy Company, Henry VIII and King George VI and his descendants) and social media. I also REALLY get into the Olympics. (Hmm what will I blog about in two weeks?)

I generally learn things quickly, except for math and science-y things. With exception.

I dance and sing behind closed doors. Also, jumping on the bed is still really fun.

I’m sarcastic. I try to not be.

And now, I’m happy. Not all of the time, because people that are happy all of the time are emotionally unstable and probably on drugs.

I’m Jessica and this is my blog. Its the story of a girl quickly approaching the quarter-century mark and is still trying to figure out this world. But I’m getting there. What is this blog about? Take a look above; I bet some of those topics will be discussed.

And that sums it up. Wordy, I know. If you’ve stuck through it, thanks. I promise I’m not always this wordy. Or disjointed. So, y’all come back now, ya hear?



July 14, 2012 · 1:07 am

2 responses to “Who I Am

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